Why You’re Terrible at Relaxing - and how Functional Medicine can help

Imagine that you’ve reached the end of a busy, exhausting day, and you’re finally in bed for the night. You could really use a good night’s sleep, but just as you’re about to doze off, your brain kicks into overdrive. You find yourself suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts - most of them unpleasant. You remember that you have to do that thing you hate tomorrow, or you mull over the conversation you wish you would’ve handled differently, or you worry about the people that you love…and no matter how you try, you just can’t stop thinking.

Or maybe you’re a great sleeper, but when it comes time to get some R&R on your summer vacation, you get antsy, irritable, or anxious because you have so much to do when you get back from your trip. You’re supposed to be enjoying time with friends and family, but instead you find yourself wishing you could just get back to work.

Or maybe each day is one long overthinking session. And even when you have plenty of time and space built in to relax, you have to distract yourself from your own thoughts by binging mindless television, scrolling social media, drinking a glass of wine or two, or losing yourself in a video game. You’re not relaxing, you’re just dissociating. And as soon as you come out of your stupor, the thoughts start right back up again in full force.

Any of this sounding familiar? Are you feeling a bit confronted or “called out” right now?

The thing is, we’ve sort of normalized this feeling - this constant state of being “on.” To our over-stimulated brains, it becomes an addiction, a dopamine-seeking behavior like multi-tasking. We’ve gotten so used to being in a constant state of alertness that it becomes our baseline, but it’s far from the physiologic, rest-and-digest, tend-and-befriend baseline that our bodies need to stay healthy and our minds need to stay well. And it’s bothersome - the sleepless nights, anxiety, work-obsession, and time wasted on activities that isolate us from others keep us from living our most full & fulfilled lives.

Here are some common strategies people try (and usually abandon) when trying to escape these distressing symptoms:

Sedatives - be that sleeping pills, alcohol, tranquilizers, or CBD gummies, sedatives may help you shut off your mind and sleep, but the side effects (not to mention highly addictive qualities) of most of these strategies make them poor band-aids and even worse long-term solutions. They don’t address the root of the issue - the HPA axis.

Meditation - while great in theory, I find that mindfulness or meditation practice is tough to tackle when you’re experiencing an intense fight-or-flight response. Yes, meditation is hugely successful for treating “runaway brain” as a long-term strategy, and it has well-documented physiologic benefits as well as mental health benefits, but jumping into the deep end with meditation can be very frustrating, demoralizing, and even counter-productive for some (more on this in a moment).

Denial - I’m not joking! For at least a little while, most people simply ignore these symptoms and hope they go away. Others absorb them into their personality, claiming that it’s “just the way I am” or “I’ve never been a good sleeper” while perpetuating the problem, continuing unhealthy coping mechanisms, and slowly developing chronic disease.

P.s. it’s not your fault if you fall into denial or dissociation. We live in a stressful world that glorifies workaholism, encourages addiction, and offers few realistic alternatives.

Thankfully, you’ve got better options than these, courtesy of Functional Medicine. You can learn to really relax - yes, even you - by addressing the dysfunction, dysregulation, and lack of balance that drives insomnia, anxiety, and intrusive over-thinking at the root. It’s not a quick fix, and it may take some work to find the combination that works best for you, but there are a few simple strategies that can begin you on your way…here ya go!

Eat a bedtime snack - but not just any bedtime snack! In fact, this strategy is just as much about what NOT to consume right before bed than anything. You see, if your body is hopped up on simple sugars and carbs, it’s going to be difficult to relax. And if you’re one of those folks that gets a “second wind” or get up a few hours after falling asleep, wide awake, you might be experiencing a blood sugar crash - which results in a spike of cortisol, the stress hormone that signals morning-time! Avoiding sugary, carb-y foods & drinks (yes, that includes alcohol) or at least balancing them with a high-protein, high-fiber, high-healthy-fat snack before settling in to relax helps maintain a healthy circadian rhythm and calm stress-response system.

Add some Magnesium - half of the population is deficient in magnesium, and many more experience magnesium insufficiency (not technically low, but not high enough for optimal function). If you struggle to relax, feel antsy or jumpy or irritable, feel tense in your mind or your muscles, suffer from headaches or insomnia - guess what, you’d benefit from extra magnesium. Check out my vetted magnesium supplements HERE (the type of mag is important in this instance!)

Utilize Adaptogenic Herbs & Plants - by their very definition, adaptogens help us adapt. Makes sense, right? I like to think of them like Goldilocks nutraceuticals - they help us go from “too hot” or “too cold” to “just right.” It’s a gentle, but super effective, way to help the body regain balance. And adaptogens do a lot more, too! They act as a buffer for stress hormones, protect your brain and nerve cells, and do so without disrupting normal biological parameters. They also provide safe, quick symptom relief while also cultivating stress resilience over time - and they don’t interact with medications. One of my favorite adaptogenic blends for folks who feel like they just can’t relax, wind down, or get restful sleep includes Rehmannia and Schizandra, two well-studied Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs. Try for yourself by clicking HERE.